Trim Your Dog

Thu Dec 14, 2006 | 01:18pm

FICUS FRACAS OR HOW LOWE CAN YOU GO? Recent
events call to mind the ancient philosophical riddle: If a hedge is
clipped in the wilds of Montecito without its celebrity owner’s
consent and the News-Press isn’t there to report it, did it really
happen? I can assure you I was not there last summer when, under
the mistaken understanding that he had permission, Jim Neuman
trespassed onto the property of actor Rob Lowe, his Padaro Lane
neighbor, to trim the hedge that blocked Neuman’s million-dollar
coastal view.

Once Neuman found out he didn’t have permission, he promised not
to do it again and hasn’t. However, I was there last Wednesday
morning when Judge James W. Brown rejected Lowe’s argument that he
needed nothing less than a temporary restraining order to keep
Neuman, his wife, Susan, and his 82-year-old mother-in-law, Rowena
“Doodie” Taylor, from sneaking back into his yard — presumably in
the dead of a moonless night — with the intent of hacking back his
offending ficus. So was Independent photographer Paul Wellman, whom
Judge Brown had allowed to shoot the proceedings despite the
objections of Barry Capello, Lowe’s attorney. Even though Capello
acknowledged in advance that neither Lowe nor his wife would be in
court, he insisted the presence of a photographer might “foment a
media frenzy” that would adversely affect the Lowes’ privacy. If
only it were that easy. As it was, the so-called media frenzy was
restricted to Wellman, myself, and the Daily Sound’s ubiquitous
Chris Meagher, who roused himself from his sick bed to chronicle
the occasion. Conspicuous by their absence were any representatives
from the News-Press. But that was to be expected. After all, it was
Lowe’s objections to having his address published in a News-Press
article detailing his dispute with neighbors of his Picacho Lane
property — where he hoped to build his dream house — that triggered
the series of events that precipitated the ongoing melt-down at
what’s touted as the oldest daily paper in California.

Contrary to what some have suggested, this hedge war is not news
solely because of the Lowes’ glitterati status. The fact that the
Lowes have been accused of view extortion by two separate neighbors
in two separate disputes within the span of six months makes it
news. The fact that Lowe was a prominent player in the Homeowners
Defense Fund, a group of exceedingly well-heeled NIMBYs affronted
by the prospect of state-mandated affordable housing requirements,
makes the conflict even more newsworthy. (Lowe is reportedly no
longer active with the homeowners’ group.)

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