The darkness surrounds me as I lie in bed. I find it impossible to get up and start my day. Existence is painful and meaningless. I am obsessed with the idea of ending this misery and am unable to find purpose, or to find pleasure, or to find anything to make life worth living. I am only 15 years old.
As a youth, I had the false idea that mental illness was a choice. When I began developing symptoms, I had no knowledge or education regarding mental illness. It was never discussed in school or at home. This greatly contributed to my feelings of guilt, confusion, depression, and anxiety.
In high school, when my symptoms became apparent to my peers, I was ostracized and alienated. I was not able to talk to anyone about what I was going through. None of us knew how to discuss mental illness. I was afraid, alone, and in anguish.