Learning One Another’s Language

In this month of love, let’s focus on something near and dear to my heart: relationships! I’ve been blessed to have one solid love relationship for almost 19 years with my wonderful hubby, Steve. One of the things that changed us for the better was when we learned what each other’s love languages are.

If you are new to the five love languages, here’s a primer: The five love languages describe different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. Awareness of the love languages can help us better understand the tangible ways in which we feel loved and seen by others. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, PhD, in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. He describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics. It’s a solid way to learn and grow with your partner and in your relationship. 

Another love language type assessment that I use with clients and teams and in my personal relationships is StrengthsFinder. The CliftonStrengths assessment was created by educational psychologist Donald Clifton through the Gallup Organization. He wanted to identify the strengths that made top performers stand out. The purpose of the CliftonStrengths assessment — going beyond just learning about your strengths and taking action — is to develop your full potential. This assessment has become a cornerstone of my coaching practice.