The following are remarks Arthur Gross-Schaefer prepared for one of the memorial services for his son Avi, who was hit and killed by a car while crossing a street in Providence, Rhode Island.
Dear Front-of-the-Planers,
Let us introduce ourselves. We are those less-fortunate passengers who shuffle humbly past you toward the back of the plane, trying not to bump your proud shoulders with our awkward-sized carry-ons. Ultimately, we have the same destinations as you: Des Moines. O’ahu. D¼sseldorf.
With the forced lobotomization now taking place at the News-Press, reporters and editors who’ve accumulated any body of knowledge of the town or their beats are being chased out by a series of management “reforms.”
GET ME REWRITE, GUT THE PRESS: Back when I was still a recovering Catholic, the story of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden used to infuriate me beyond belief. It seemed incredibly unfair that every human born since those two would come into the world indelibly stained with Original Sin just because Adam and Eve disobeyed the Almighty and ate the apple. Under this scenario, we’re all born with three strikes against us; we don’t even get a chance to screw up. But now that I am a fully recovered Catholic and these matters no longer get under my skin, I see the wisdom in such theological pessimism. Its basis – from which all else follows – is the infinite perversity of the human species. The original-sin scenario recognizes that even if we have within our grasp everything we need to be perfectly happy, we’ll mess it all up the very first chance we get.